My Beauty from Pain....Strikes Again

And so this begins...the next installment of the crazy life of Britt, the bipolar teller. I go days and days on being a crazy manic woman and then swoosh depression hits like a freight train. Its horrid. I have had the worst couple of weeks.

I have made mistakes that I would have never thought I would allow to happen. I have had someone seem to actually care about me but then the minute they did not get their way they threw a hissy fit convinced me that I am not worth it and that he couldnt believe he wasted his time on me. Wow what a way to make a girl feel fan freaking tastic about herself.

I feel like I have been ran over a bus like 18 times. I really would love to just escape. I have people in my life that are trying to convince me other wise but my heart is just not hearing it. My head is beginnng to hear what they are saying but actually believing it is an entirely different story. At least one of the people involved has tried to right the wrong in this. Its a nice feeling. But none the less I feel so helpless in this that its pretty ridiculous.

I keep being told that I am worth it and God loves me...but it is not processing in my head. I have been burned so much in the last two weeks that it kills me to try to understand that My God truly does believe that I am worth it. I know he loves me...but believing it and showing that I believe it are extremely hard...

My Beauty from Pain....Take 3

Good Evening...I hope this finds you well. My Brain has been overflowing with lots of things. This Last week has been one that finds me confused and frustrated....which seems to happen a lot. A close friend of mine lost 2 people that she loved in one day. I pray for her all the time. I know that this time is hard for her. What I dont seem to get is why things like this happen. It doesnt make much sense. It is so tough for me to see her and the people around her go through this.

On another subject, I have been struggling with why things are placed in our lives whether they be situations, people or problems...I am gathering the part that we have to endure a bit of pain and discomfort to enjoy the greater things in Life, but sometimes it is so hard to see past the things that are right infront of me and see the big picture. The big picture kicks my butt 99.9% of the time. I have so many things going on around me and I seem stuck in the middle watching it all just go by...but I dont want it to. Dont you ever just feel stuck. I have wanted to scream cry laugh and yell all within a couple of days. There are so many things that have been happening I just wish I could make heads and tails of everything. Stupid life...wish it made sense but I know for sure God knows whats going on and He is going to comfort me and help...Why you may ask, cause He adores His children and I am one of them who cant believe that He actually puts up with my stuff...